Me, Me, Me
The enormity of the task of parenthood in general, and fatherhood in particular, is overwhelming at times. While it is the single most rewarding aspect of my life, it is conversely also the most stressful and the most time consuming task that I undertake each day. It interrupts work, normal dinners are impossible, the after dinner TV watching or book reading is out the window and forget golf or any activities that take up hours at a time with any regularity. Though blessings they are, children are speed bumps on the path of life. Sharp curves may be a better analogy for visual purposes.
Children are undoubtedly me, me, me people. Their entire existence is dependent upon the minute to minute recognition of what they require, be that sustenance, diaper changes or the latest episode of Ms. Rachel. They hardly know better, so while it is apt sometimes to lecture them in the ideals of sacrifice and the perils of selfishness, my experience has taught me that they haven’t gotten to a stage where such arguments sway them much no matter how well framed you felt they were. Eloquence is lost on little ears. But children are the masters of fulfillment.
Parents, though they are hesitant to admit it, are me people too. And that’s nothing to be ashamed of. We deserve me time as well. In fact, one of the things that can sneak up on you is the way that fatherhood can absorb you and control every aspect of your life. I believe the same for motherhood but this is my blog, therefore………..ME. It’s easy to become so enamored with the role and obliged to your duty that you forget to be you, if even for a while. And that can have some enormous consequences, none of which are good. We hide being fulfilled behind terms like responsibility, pressure and circumstance. We ignore our urges, we suppress our whims and we present this as trying to obtain some ‘balance’.
No such thing.
You’re ignoring ME. Not me as in me, but ME as in you. Confusing I know, but silly enough to get attention. You can ignore ME for a while, but me will come back and constantly harass you in a hundred different ways. ME was telling me that I (you) needed to do this or that or ME would be sorry. And me didn’t listen. So ME, as fulfilled as ME was in one sense, was still not completely…….ME.
In the short term this can lead to frazzled nerves and stress and a host of other ailments that, though serious, are easily solved if you’re paying attention and rectify them. In the long term however the consequences of neglecting your me time can affect not just you but your relationship, your health and your sanity. That’s not an exaggeration. As enamored as I am with my new bout of fatherhood I am aware that sometimes I overdose. I forget that I am an individual, a husband and many other things as well. The most important, however, is that I forget to remember I am me.
In being a father and being available and so very entrenched in this new addition, I’ve let other things slip that are important to me and my family. The gym isn’t the necessity it once was, I haven’t been able to pick up a book in ages that doesn’t have illustrations and my ‘quiet time’ typically results in me dozing off to some much needed rest. Though I am smitten with my little girl and fulfilled as a father, I have reached that point where I can feel the tug of those neglected areas in my life.
We cannot be our best for everyone if we’re not our best for ourselves. It isn’t selfishness nor is it evil to expect, and sometimes demand, that we do for ourselves. As with all things moderation is the key. We as a family cannot be at our best, if I as a father, husband and most importantly, an individual, am not at my best. Recognition of this isn’t self-flagellation nor is it cause for regret, it is a course adjustment that’s required periodically.
In just completing two books about my children, it’s not odd that my next blog post is about me. My dreams and aspirations are coming back into focus after the hectic first year and some. So are my wife’s. We spent an enormous amount of time being mom and dad, and now are learning to be ourselves again. Not uncommon, but more difficult than you might imagine. That is the puzzle of life, in that once we get comfortable (or semi comfortable) with who we are, circumstances change and we’re required to modify ourselves internally to fit an ever-changing world both internally and externally.
At the end of the day you (and I) need to reconcile with ME. You ignore ME at your own peril and if I am honest I have done so in several areas of my life. In my devotion to one are of my life others have suffered. Though I do not believe in such a thing as complete balance in every aspect of life we can create something more melodious, something that resonates better with the who that we want to be. As with everything in life, there are ups and downs. There are highs and lows. We are the conductors and we can compose something beautiful, if not completely balances, then something that resonates within us.
And yes, I’m aware that I’ve been beating the same drum for quite a while now. It’s time to add some different notes, bring in the choir, and add to this wonderful life that I’m recreating every morning. In pulling from every aspect of my being and putting things back into those areas that have grown dusty and disordered with neglect and disuse, the music will continue. It will be unfamiliar and a bit odd at first. And day to day my tastes might differ, and that is fine. Eclectic playlists are the best.
