Time Thieves & the Myth of Time Management

Time management is a BS term coined by someone trying to sell you a management system that doesn’t, never will, and cannot exist. A philosophy built around the measurement of outcomes vs the reality of life in the physical world in which experience trumps that imagined and ne’er realized outcome 10 times out of ten.

It certainly isn’t something that happens with kids in the house, especially of the younger variety. The schedule you think you will keep in the morning dissolves before you even get started with the day. Naps, mealtimes, diaper changes, and the myriad other duties that dads do all conspire to rob us of minutes of the day that turn to hours that turn to the entire day gone.

Whether you’re self employed, or work out of the home, this will impact you in ways you cannot imagine. Children are vacuums of time and suck up seconds so quickly that they can erase even the most meticulous schedule without a moment’s hesitation. And though you wake up Monday (partially) refreshed you’ll find yourself in Thursday before you know it, with a whole list of duties to perform that you haven’t even begun yet.

Simply put, kids make getting things done hard. Really hard.

Now I wake up earlier, and that schedule has been modified because she decided earlier was better for her as well. I’m usually awake at least two hours before her, which is a time normally reserved for vampires, cat burglars and the insane. But I can get a lot done in a short amount of time, especially as the world isn’t awake yet and bothering me. No phones or emails to disturb me, no distractions. Just put on some music and get down to work. Cramming 8 hours into 2.

There are a great many books out there full of time saving tips and how to manage a busy work and home life with kids in the house. At this age, and having read many of them, I am thoroughly qualified to inform you that they are all full of crap. There are no solve all tips. There is no panacea for all the time that you’ll lose.

So. Priorities.

Something has to go. That’s the painful and real truth. You’re going to have to go through your list of wants and toss some, or at least hang them up for a while. Golf and hobbies and whatnot are going to drop way down on the list of priorities if this is to work for you and, if you have one, your partner. As much a joy as children are, they are indeed a sacrifice. Time to get out the scissors and start cutting.

There’s a school of thought out there called The Burner Theory where you can allocate your time and attention to one of four areas of your life. Work, life, family and friends are quadrants (or make your own) and if you turn up the burner in one quadrant, the others have to be wicked down some to compensate. You can’t run all burners wide open at the same time. I won’t reiterate the entire concept, you can follow the link if you wish.

Routine is your friend, and though the kids will interrupt it, routine ‘bookmarks’ your day so you know what you’re getting back to even if it’s hours past the time you should’ve completed it. I try to keep the same routine daily, though it’s never the same time as the day before, it is the same order. This is a good way to retain at least some sanity through the process and you’ll get the feeling that you’re making progress, even if it’s delayed.

Definitely give yourself some ‘me’ time, and if that’s the morning, great. Do your workout, read, write, do something productive. Put down the phone, stay off social media and invest in yourself. You won’t feel so drained when the day starts in earnest if you’ve done something for yourself. It provides you with a sense of accomplishment, and treating yourself first thing is a great way to alleviate those ‘what-about-me’s’ that happen when you’re inundated with dad/husband/work duties. No sin in putting yourself first if you’re enabling the family machinery to run smoothly.

Set less important items to the side. I typically make a list of nonessential, quick things I need to do, and those moments will arise during the day when you’re relieved of all your other duties. Reach into the grab bag and knock out a quick task and then jump back into the fray. Keeping a checklist is good for two reasons. First, you’re organized and mindful of what needs to be done, and secondly it’s enabling and morale boosting to check items off the list.

Lump items together. I walk the dogs and get exercise at the same time. I sign up for challenges for walking for various causes and that’s a win all around. I get 3 for the price of one. Look for tasks where you can accomplish more than one goal simultaneously. If you have to run errands, take the kid, that gives the wife or partner free time and you’ll be the recipient of reciprocal freedom when you return. Sure, you won’t be as quick as you would alone, but you’re bonding, spending time with your kid and they’re learning and exploring the world with you as you shop. You can pair activities that I consider automatic with tasks that require my attention. I can listen to podcasts or watch a program while I cook. Or I can ride the stationary bike and listen to a podcast. Another win-win scenario

Work with your significant other so that you can both maximize productivity and accomplish things in a mutually supportive manner. The argument of ‘I work all day’ doesn’t cut it guys. So does she. (And vice versa if you’re a stay at home dad). You’re both working full days, and though you’d love to come home and kick your feet up and forget about life, it’s another way you’ll have to compromise and manage your time effectively. Tag team things and they’ll work better. For instance, I cook while she supervises, then she cleans while I trade places. This gives us both a break and relieves the monotony of the day.

All of this points to the most essential facet of fatherhood, flexibility. You’re going to have to learn to be flexible or you will snap. Children don’t care how busy you are, what kind of day you’ve had, or what your schedule is. While it’s easy to get into the mindset that they’re monopolizing your day, it’s their nature. And to be blunt, this is what you signed up for. So the grass cutting may wait until tomorrow or the oil gets changed a couple hundred miles late. Big deal.

And whenever your duties involve your child, remember to focus on them. Don’t rob them of their dad time by multitasking and giving them the brush off or pacifying them with very temporary playthings. It’ll inevitably result in them becoming increasingly bored and you becoming increasingly agitated, the end result being nothing accomplished. Better to be present with your child and save the task for later than to compromise doing it correctly or worse, ruining a moment with your kid.

At the end of each month I sit down and reflect on what I accomplished. It’s almost never what I’d hoped, but I’m always surprised at not only how much I did, but how the priorities shifted and how my perspective was modified by the challenges that month presented. It’s a great reward and a way to not only celebrate accomplishments, but to enhance our sense of purpose as a father.

In summary, being a dad is challenging and they’re going to challenge you more and more every day. That’s what makes life worth living though, friend. Embrace that challenge and you’ll learn not only more about your child but more about yourself. You’ll feel more accomplished and more fulfilled even if you’re exhausted. You can, fruitlessly, try to cram and schedule more and more in the same 24 hours that your happily fulfilled neighbor has with some notion that dictating a schedule means the universe will acquiesce to your demands or you can embrace the reality of life being messy and unpredictable and roll with the punches. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out the end result for either scenario.

More later, but for now, I’m out of, you guessed it, time.